Fast, loose and aria-belting: Professors after hours

by Laurel Garver, Ravenclaw

HOGSMEDE, INVERNESS--Think you know your professors here at Hogwarts? You just might be surprised what they get up to in their off-duty hours.

According to Cooper Bingley, golden-curled inhabitant of a Flemish-style portrait in the faculty dormitory, our professors get up to some pretty surprising stuff when away from the classroom.

Transfiguration professor Minerva McGonagall has never made any secret of her skill as an animagus. But you might be surprised how playfully she flaunts it when no one but the portraits are watching. Skinny Minnie, as she was known in her schoolgirl days, loves to stair rail surf in her fluffy slippers. While we're all tucked in our dormitory beds, she can usually be found sliding slipper-footed from staircase to staircase, top of the castle to the bottom, only to POOF--transform into her tabby cat form for a perfect landing every time.

Divination professor Sibyll Trelawney might have the gift of the inner eye, but her outer eye? Not so gifted. In fact, her eyesight is so bad, she's been caught not once, but a half dozen times snogging the portrait of Sir Cadogan. Granted, he is a dashing figure in his shiny armor, but surely his painted face could not have felt quite right.

Laughter might be the best medicine, but it is music that soothes the savage breast of our hospital wing matron Poppy Pomfrey. Both portraits and castle ghosts alike confirm that she loves to sing in the shower. Indeed, the ghosts gather three times a week to hear her belt out Puccini and Mozart arias.

"Madam Pomfrey's voice is an utter marvel of mellifluousness," said the Fat Friar, Hufflepuff house ghost. "It is a tragic loss to the musical world that she suffers such petrifying stage fright. "Alas, only we ghosts, portraits and occasional house elf ever have the joy of experiencing her tremendous talent."

Laurel Garver is Thestral Gazette's editor-in-chief and communications secretary for S.P.E.W. She sings in Hogwarts choir, dabbles in Mermish poetry and tirelessly campaigns for an intramural Pegasus polo team.

Which professor's off-hours activities surprise you most?

Cauldron Chatter: Cloaked Items

by Belicia Babble, Ravenclaw

It’s not just potions brewing at Hogwarts this year! Find out all the juicy details about your friends, classmates, and professors in my gossip column. Names have been cloaked to protect the innocent (and by innocent, I mean me!).

• Which colorfully-named Gryffindor girl has set her sights on a red-headed Keeper? Some late night spell casting might be in their future, but only if she can brew up enough love potion to snag him!

• Terror in the tea leaves! A Hogwarts professor has predicted the death of yet another student. I suggest he watch out for falling cauldrons!

• This Slytherin boy has found some admirers in a pair of first year girls, though more than one witch wants to know what they’re doing lurking around the halls with those scales.

• Which radish-wearing fifth year managed to charm her way into a high-profile Christmas party? It seems being friends with the #1 enemy of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named does have its perks.

• Get ready for a duel! This pair of (allegedly) platonic friends was recently spotted having a full-blown row over school books. Turns out someone can’t stand the thought of not being first in Potions!

• This pigtailed Hufflepuff got a little jittery before last year’s O.W.L.’s, but now friends are saying she’s gone weak in the knees for a certain Herbology classmate.

• Which member of S.P.E.W. recently inherited a house-elf? If he believes in elvish welfare so much, why won’t he just free the poor creature?

• She’s at it again! This red-haired flirt was recently seen canoodling behind a tapestry with her fellow quidditch teammate. 10 points for Gryffindor?

• This Ravenclaw beauty may have a new beau on her arm, but the word around the castle is that she’s been weeping day and night over the loss of her “chosen” guy.

• A certain Slytherin alumni doesn’t want you to know the awful truth – he was raised by muggles!

• Rumor has it that a know-it-all sixth year couldn’t keep her eyes off one of the Gryffindor quidditch team hopefuls during their recent tryouts. The player in question looked a little confused by her attentions… but quickly decided that he’d like to show her a few more of his moves.

• This Hogwarts professor has been seen slinking around the greenhouses late at night. Let’s hope Professor Sprout sics a mandrake on him!

Belicia Babble is the Thestral Gazette’s loose-lipped gossip reporter. She lives in Ravenclaw tower with Prattle, her Pygmy Puff, and loves prying into the personal lives of her classmates. Rumor has it she also blogs as the slightly more discrete Lisa Galek at Read. Write. Repeat.

Which of these objects of rumor do you recognize?

Viktor Krum Reunites With Former Girlfriend

By Melissa Sarno, Hufflepuff

LONDON—Bulgarian National Quidditch player Viktor Krum was once again spotted with actress Anastasiya Dilov. The two attended last night’s premiere of her latest film, The Non-magical Exploding Tuba, a satirical take on the Muggle opera The Magic Flute.

The pair have been known for their tumultuous relationship, which began when the Bulgarian social climber crashed the Krum family’s annual pig roast. The known vegetarian reportedly used the Aguamenti spell and was said to have “wreaked havoc” on what was supposed to have been a “private family affair.” Despite her unorthodox methods, Dilov quickly won Krum over. “The girl’s got guts,” the six foot heartthrob said with his signature fist pump.

Of course, others argue that she may also wreak havoc on the famed Seeker’s heart.

Their initial split occurred while Dilov was filming on location in Romania. After Dilov was photographed hand in hand with an unidentified red-haired wizard, Krum reportedly went into a blind rage.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said a member of the film crew. “He apparated there in minutes and nearly took down the set with a Bombarda spell. If he wasn’t so worried that the International Quidditch Association would suspend him, I’m not sure what would have happened.”

Last night, however, the couple was all smiles, despite the fact that questions of Dilov’s fidelity are once again in play. The fashion icon wore a rare dragon skin coat to the premiere, claiming it was “a gift from a friend.”

“Galleons can’t buy that kind of thing,” said renowned fashion designer Augustus Tuttle. “I don’t even want to think about what a person would have to do to get a coat like that.”

Krum declined to comment, but was overheard muttering, “How should I know what she keeps in her drawers?”

Melissa Sarno is Thestral Gazette’s celebrity reporter and co-president of the Herbology Club. When she’s not up to her ankles in mooncalf dung, you can find her accompanying the Frog Choir on harpsichord or writing Witch Lit in the Hogwarts Library. She blogs at http://melissasarno.com/.

Which celebrity of the wizarding world should Melissa investigate next?