by Michael Di Gesu, Ravenclaw
LONDON - All week, O.W.L. results have been delivered over Great Britain to soon-to-be sixth years who waited with nerves bordering on a breakdown. Parents twitched anxious fingers over wands ready to hex their kids if they pestered them about any special owl deliveries ... my mum included.
Even with Umbridge and her tyrannical ways overpowered, most fifth years didn’t receive proper Defense Against the Dark Arts training and therefore many failed. Only a few of us (you know who you are) passed this course with an Exceeds Expectation or the coveted Outstanding. We had help from a very special person indeed.
Speaking of this special person, a new name for THE BOY WHO LIVED is on the lips of wizards young and old. Could Harry Potter really be THE CHOSEN ONE? This investigative reporter will dig deep to uncover every clue to see if the rumors are true. (Plus it doesn’t hurt to be in his inner circle.)
Last night, a snowy owl pecked at my window. It was none other than Hedwig, Harry Potter’s personal owl. What could THE CHOSEN ONE want from me? Could these be the answers to the questions I ran by him before term ended? Fat chance, he threatened to never speak to me again if I printed anything about him. But surely, he wouldn’t. Or would he? His mood swings lately would try anyone’s patience. But now that Umbridge is back in the Ministry and out of our hair, he should be more himself.
To my shock, the message wasn’t anything worth printing...just an invitation to the Burrow from Ron Weasley.
But wait! There was something in that scribble--the date, July 31. Four days from now, Harry Potter turns sixteen!
Let’s make this his most unforgettable birthday! Let’s give THE BOY WHO LIVED the best surprise party ever. Let’s honor him for all that he has done for us. After the tumultuous year we’ve all had, let’s get wild and show Harry how much we love him.
Write those letters, get those owls ready, and send Harry a cheery birthday message.
All you DA members, please get in touch with Fred and George Weasley before crashing this event. If anyone two people know how to crash anything, they do. Harry won’t expect a thing. Imagine his face as all of us DA members grin at him while hundreds of owls carry in warm wishes.
So don’t forget, blast those calendars with memory dust for Mon., July 31!
Four days and counting!
Michael Di Gesu is the Thestral Gazette’s investigative reporter. If you have anything to hide, he will sniff it out. When he’s not digging up secrets and sordid affairs, you’ll find him on the Quidditch pitch with friends Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. Terrified of flying himself, he’s yet to take flight with his buddies. Harry’s still working on it. “Someday I’ll get him on a broom!” Michael blogs at: http://writing-art-and-design.blogspot.com/.
How will you help make Harry's special day even more wonderful?
Showing posts with label Michael Di Gesu. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Michael Di Gesu. Show all posts
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Umbridge Unmasked
by Michael Di Gesu, Ravenclaw
LONDON— After maniacal decree number whatever, this investigative reporter decided to learn more about beloved High Inquisitor and Head Mistress of Hogwarts.
Hold onto your wands, broomsticks, and lunch, dear readers. Archives of the Daily Prophet reveal that Dolores Jane Umbridge was Miss Britain Witch 1947.
No, I didn’t put a spell on this article; you are reading correctly. That toad-faced, slack-jawed, sadist was once a beauty queen. What happened to her stunning good looks? For answers, we’ll have to grab a time-turner and go back more than half a century.
Thestral Gazette recently obtained sealed Ministry records from an investigator working deep undercover. They reveal that our so-called pure-blood Headmistress was born to not one, but two muggle parents: Dick and Jane Rumbridge of Bury St. Edmunds, Suffolk. Oh, the irony of her torturing students like Harry Potter to tell “the truth.” Miss Umbridge, as she renamed herself, has plenty to answer for!
After winning her title, sources say the flaxen-haired beauty entered the Ministry of Magic weaving tall tales of her pure ancestry. No-one questioned it. Her sultry looks and girlish voice mesmerized all, especially the male population. Umbridge quickly rose to influential positions with skills that some say would make even Peeves blush.
Her vixen ways and heart-stopping good looks (I still can’t even fathom this) led to a torrid affair with Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge. Within a month of her connection with Fudge, Umbridge was appointed Senior Undersecretary. The two were seen everywhere together: the opera, the Quidditch World Cup, and even at a quiet little bistro in Paris.
The Minister’s wife, Tatiana Fudge, a half-Veela former beauty queen, caught wind of the affair. She hunted down the lovers and found them together in the Leaky Caldron’s bridal suite. Outraged, she cast the Bulgarian-Bullfrog hex: a complicated spell only Veelas can cast. To add insult to injury, Mrs. Fudge left Umbridge with only her girlish voice intact.
Surprisingly, Mrs. Fudge did nothing to her straying husband. Her reason? “My Neil is so very kind to heez staff,” she said. “Zat leetle vorm Dolly Umbridge took total advantage of heez kindness! I lay zee blame entirely on zat tart!”
Devastated to be hideous, Umbridge retaliated in the only way she could—by drafting legislation to oppress part-humans like Mrs. Fudge, including centaurs and werewolves. Our favorite Defense against the Dark Arts professor, Remus Lupin, is now in hiding because of her bitter campaign.
Feeling guilty for his part in Umbridge’s cursed transformation, and perhaps to remove her ugly face from his sight, Fudge appointed her High Inquisitor and Headmistress.
Will we ever be rid of her? Only time will tell. Our best hope is for part-human hybrids to rise up and do her in.
Michael Di Gesu is the Thestral Gazette’s investigative reporter. If you have anything to hide, he will sniff it out. When he’s not digging up secrets and sordid affairs, you’ll find him on the Quidditch pitch with friends Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. Terrified of flying himself, he’s yet to take flight with his buddies. Harry’s still working on it. “Someday I’ll get him on a broom!” Michael blogs at: http://writing-art-and-design.blogspot.com/.
Which shady character should Michael investigate next?
LONDON— After maniacal decree number whatever, this investigative reporter decided to learn more about beloved High Inquisitor and Head Mistress of Hogwarts.
Hold onto your wands, broomsticks, and lunch, dear readers. Archives of the Daily Prophet reveal that Dolores Jane Umbridge was Miss Britain Witch 1947.
No, I didn’t put a spell on this article; you are reading correctly. That toad-faced, slack-jawed, sadist was once a beauty queen. What happened to her stunning good looks? For answers, we’ll have to grab a time-turner and go back more than half a century.
Thestral Gazette recently obtained sealed Ministry records from an investigator working deep undercover. They reveal that our so-called pure-blood Headmistress was born to not one, but two muggle parents: Dick and Jane Rumbridge of Bury St. Edmunds, Suffolk. Oh, the irony of her torturing students like Harry Potter to tell “the truth.” Miss Umbridge, as she renamed herself, has plenty to answer for!
After winning her title, sources say the flaxen-haired beauty entered the Ministry of Magic weaving tall tales of her pure ancestry. No-one questioned it. Her sultry looks and girlish voice mesmerized all, especially the male population. Umbridge quickly rose to influential positions with skills that some say would make even Peeves blush.
Her vixen ways and heart-stopping good looks (I still can’t even fathom this) led to a torrid affair with Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge. Within a month of her connection with Fudge, Umbridge was appointed Senior Undersecretary. The two were seen everywhere together: the opera, the Quidditch World Cup, and even at a quiet little bistro in Paris.
The Minister’s wife, Tatiana Fudge, a half-Veela former beauty queen, caught wind of the affair. She hunted down the lovers and found them together in the Leaky Caldron’s bridal suite. Outraged, she cast the Bulgarian-Bullfrog hex: a complicated spell only Veelas can cast. To add insult to injury, Mrs. Fudge left Umbridge with only her girlish voice intact.
Surprisingly, Mrs. Fudge did nothing to her straying husband. Her reason? “My Neil is so very kind to heez staff,” she said. “Zat leetle vorm Dolly Umbridge took total advantage of heez kindness! I lay zee blame entirely on zat tart!”
Devastated to be hideous, Umbridge retaliated in the only way she could—by drafting legislation to oppress part-humans like Mrs. Fudge, including centaurs and werewolves. Our favorite Defense against the Dark Arts professor, Remus Lupin, is now in hiding because of her bitter campaign.
Feeling guilty for his part in Umbridge’s cursed transformation, and perhaps to remove her ugly face from his sight, Fudge appointed her High Inquisitor and Headmistress.
Will we ever be rid of her? Only time will tell. Our best hope is for part-human hybrids to rise up and do her in.
Michael Di Gesu is the Thestral Gazette’s investigative reporter. If you have anything to hide, he will sniff it out. When he’s not digging up secrets and sordid affairs, you’ll find him on the Quidditch pitch with friends Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. Terrified of flying himself, he’s yet to take flight with his buddies. Harry’s still working on it. “Someday I’ll get him on a broom!” Michael blogs at: http://writing-art-and-design.blogspot.com/.
Which shady character should Michael investigate next?
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