Showing posts with label Melissa Sarno. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Melissa Sarno. Show all posts

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Exciting new book release!

By Melissa Sarno, Hufflepuff

Honeywater Press announces the release of WHO AM I by award-winning author Gilderoy Lockhart.

The 1,045 page book hits shelves on September 23rd and features the psychological musings of the man who accidentally erased his own memory. One of the few permanent residents of St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, Lockhart uses the book to reflect on who he is, who he was, and, even, who he might become.

“We took a risk,” says Ebenezer Coolidge, a representative from Honeywater. “We want readers to open this book and find a new Lockhart. A little less refined. A little more undone.”

But early reviews of the book have not been kind.

Popular book blogger Winnifried Littlewock calls it “a nonsensical, babbling mess,” and goes on to say, “I’m not even sure [Lockhart] knows what the question is. Never mind the answer.”

According to a small group of existentialists at the Magical Who Institute, however, that kind of ambiguity is what makes the work so appealing. “We are all walking around asking the same question of ourselves. The fact that Lockhart never quite gets to an answer is refreshing.”

And many others are rallying for Lockhart, pleased that Honeywater Press took the author under its wing when none of the other big houses were willing. “I’m not going to read it or anything,” says one fan. “But I like that it’s out there.”

“We’re not expecting a huge crowd tomorrow,” says the owner of Flourish and Blotts Bookseller, where, years earlier, people were lined up around the block to get to a Lockhart signing. “But, hey, we’ll serve some Nettle Wine. Maybe that will lead to some sales.”

Melissa Sarno is Thestral Gazette’s celebrity reporter and co-president of the Herbology Club. When she’s not up to her ankles in mooncalf dung, you can find her accompanying the Frog Choir on harpsichord or writing Witch Lit in the Hogwarts Library. She blogs at http://melissasarno.com/.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Viktor Krum Reunites With Former Girlfriend

By Melissa Sarno, Hufflepuff

LONDON—Bulgarian National Quidditch player Viktor Krum was once again spotted with actress Anastasiya Dilov. The two attended last night’s premiere of her latest film, The Non-magical Exploding Tuba, a satirical take on the Muggle opera The Magic Flute.

The pair have been known for their tumultuous relationship, which began when the Bulgarian social climber crashed the Krum family’s annual pig roast. The known vegetarian reportedly used the Aguamenti spell and was said to have “wreaked havoc” on what was supposed to have been a “private family affair.” Despite her unorthodox methods, Dilov quickly won Krum over. “The girl’s got guts,” the six foot heartthrob said with his signature fist pump.

Of course, others argue that she may also wreak havoc on the famed Seeker’s heart.

Their initial split occurred while Dilov was filming on location in Romania. After Dilov was photographed hand in hand with an unidentified red-haired wizard, Krum reportedly went into a blind rage.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said a member of the film crew. “He apparated there in minutes and nearly took down the set with a Bombarda spell. If he wasn’t so worried that the International Quidditch Association would suspend him, I’m not sure what would have happened.”

Last night, however, the couple was all smiles, despite the fact that questions of Dilov’s fidelity are once again in play. The fashion icon wore a rare dragon skin coat to the premiere, claiming it was “a gift from a friend.”

“Galleons can’t buy that kind of thing,” said renowned fashion designer Augustus Tuttle. “I don’t even want to think about what a person would have to do to get a coat like that.”

Krum declined to comment, but was overheard muttering, “How should I know what she keeps in her drawers?”

Melissa Sarno is Thestral Gazette’s celebrity reporter and co-president of the Herbology Club. When she’s not up to her ankles in mooncalf dung, you can find her accompanying the Frog Choir on harpsichord or writing Witch Lit in the Hogwarts Library. She blogs at http://melissasarno.com/.

Which celebrity of the wizarding world should Melissa investigate next?